For me, the concept of “love” has been more of an abstract and seemingly-unreachable ideal, and this self-limiting mindset has been negatively compounded by the fact that for the past several years, virtually every facet of my reality I have simulated, rather than genuinely experienced. In “Simulating Reality“, I explained how this lifestyle of simulating reality had caused me to become detached from reality, devoid of any “real” emotions, and almost completely incapable of telling the difference between the real world, and this simulated world of my own imagining.
This is particularly a problem when it comes to living a life of Oneness through Humility and Selfless Love, as in my pursuit of such a mindset and the lifestyle thereof, I would end of falling far short of the genuine manifestation of these things, being left with an ultimately empty simulation instead– not much different than my simulation of Christianity when I went to church:
While at church, I would be filled with the Holy Spirit, my heart would cry out to God in both worship and a desire to be closer to him, and I would be filled with inspiration, speaking as a mouthpiece of God; whenever I’ve stopped going to church after a period of such attendance, I would become even more empty than I was before, realizing with painful clarity that it was all just a self-perpetuated ruse, my own Ego serving as the imposter in a grand deception in which I convinced everyone, including myself, of my genuineness. That kind of false enlightenment falls far short of Oneness through Selfless Love, and of a genuine experiencing of God and his infinite Love for all.
In “Simulating Reality“, I concluded that because God was the only thing I had not simulated, that he was my only hope for experiencing God, and for experiencing Oneness through Selfless Love, and passing on that blessing to others. But I had not yet realized how I could achieve such an experience. In response to my emails to my soul mate, she gave me a very crucial hint, although I wasn’t able to understand the hint until I read and meditated on writings from “The Children of the Law of One, and the Lost Teachings of Atlantis”:
“You are being too strict with your definition of love, for love isn’t found just in relationships.. but is present in everything, in every life form.”
It was not so much that my definition of love was strict; it that my expectation of love was wrong to begin with. While I intellectually understood that Selfless Love means loving everyone infinitely and equally, I had not applied that understanding to my love for her, to her love for me, or to God’s love for all. What I had done, was merge my new understanding of love with more selfish, mainstream conceptions of love: I identified my love with her, just as I had identified with previous relationships, and with previous people. I loved her as a unique individual, and identified with that love, to the point that the love became limited to that identification.
Selfless Love, which is the only true love, does not work that way. A love that is specific to her, or even specific only to a few individuals, is an incomplete love, and because my love is decided by the conditions of her identity, and of attributes that specifically attracted me to her, it wasn’t real love, and thus no better than the simulations of love I had been generating, or than the fake, selfish love that so many people identify as being “true” love. Only through loving all as part of God, and loving God through her (and through selfless love for everyone else as well) can my love be truly complete, truly selfless, truly love.
The reason why I could not truly love her, or even truly appreciate her love, is because I was looking for the wrong person’s love– whereas I was expecting her to love me for who I am (which would be identification), I should have been expecting God to love me as an inseparable part of Himself. And whereas I should have loved God through her, I instead identified with her, and ended up falling short of a genuine, selfless love as a result.
When my soul mate and I first expressed our mutual love for each other, I excitedly expressed my commitment to our loving God through our love for each other; it’s amazing how I could have expressed exactly what I am writing right now with such clarity, and yet somehow not understand it. I knew everything I needed to experience God a couple months ago, but because I did not actually “get” my own words, my own words became quite literally “lost on me.” To give you an idea of out blatantly I expressed these things two months ago, I’ll paste my words from the texts here:
I will love you unconditionally as well, and love and worship God through you. You will become the beacon through which I experience God and his unconditional love for me
So true, and so elegantly stated, and yet I did not even comprehend the meaning of my own words!
The problem with living a life of simulation, or of an incomplete love built on conditions like identification, is that emphasizing such a love makes it near-impossible to distinguish between fake/incomplete love, and true love. This is because selfish love (of which identification is a form of) sets up a mental block preventing us from even being aware of true love, and even distorts memories of loving or of being loved to satisfy the selfish conditions set in place by one’s own Ego.
As a result, many of my past memories have been manipulated by my own Ego to justify own own selfish paradigms of what love is and what it isn’t, and these self-centered expectations of love have altered my perception of all my memories of love, much like the pessimism and optimism mindsets result in radically different perceptions of the same memories. Furthermore, my self-centered perception of life has also altered my memories of all the other emotions and experiences I’ve had, including joy, anger, sadness, sympathy, compassion, and even desire. The reason why all of these emotions are simulated, or otherwise feel fake/indistinguishable from reality, is because my perception of them, and the memories thereof, has been drastically altered and limited by my very Ego that, in my ignorance, I had created; the only reason why these walls– these “simulations” are even still a part of me, is because in my ignorant selfishness I have continued to feed this deception with the negative energy of fear, uncertainty, doubt, and a false need for control, and the futile maintenance of an ultimately illusionary identity.
Inquiring as to why I said I had not experienced her love, my soul mate said “You say you have never felt love? Was it not loving that we shared that ice cream?” Back then, I now can say that I genuinely experienced her love, and furthermore that I (if only to a limited extent) experienced God through her love. In my ignorance I was unaware of what I was experiencing, and foolishly attributed the feeling to the preexisting simulation (a personal abuse of Occam’s Razor), rather than realizing it for what it was: God’s love through her. Because I expected the love to come from her (rather than God through her), I ended up experiencing the love, but being completely unable to appreciate what I was experiencing. Much like how a person introduced to information technology cannot truly appreciate the magnificence of the IT world because they are new to it, I was unable to appreciate the amazing feeling of God’s love, because my Ego prevented me from comprehending it.
When we were together the other day, my soul mate showed me of how meditating on the love of God can instantly make us happier, warmer, more energetic, and at the same all more calm. Even for those who are yet unenlightened, you can experience God’s love just by asking God to fill you with his love. So even for those that have never been loved, or have never experienced love, if you call on God with an open heart and selfless mind to fill you with his love, you can experience God and his infinite love for you just as if it were any other selflessly loving person, because God is Love. When we are feeling unloved, God will always be there to share his infinite love with us, so we know there is an infinite supply of Selfless Love just waiting for us to share with others.
If I want to experience God, and appreciate the full love, joy, and peace of being One with him, I need not seek God out, for he is already here with me, in me, and in all of creation. The only thing stopping me from experiencing God, and achieving Oneness with Him, is me– my own selfishness. God is right here, everywhere, in everything. The person who is not “here” is me, for in my ignorant selfishness I have become separate from him. Enlightenment isn’t about finding God, or even about self-transcendence (this is more of a “bonus”); enlightenment is about becoming fully aware and conscious of the relationship that I always had with God from the very beginning!