In my journey towards a greater unity with the universal consciousness of the world, the greatest obstacle has always been myself. My own sense of spiritual inferiority, a feeling of not being “good enough” to love and be loved, to experience and communicate with God, to transcend myself, to do the impossible, this has always been my greatest limitation. But I only realized this fairly recently, after finally opening on up to God, letting go of my own separate understanding and let God speak to me naturally, freely, and without my own bias in the way to block understanding him.
One of the biggest breakthrough conversations I had with God was concerning the walls I had put up between God, that was preventing me from being able to understand and communicate with him. God communicated with me in a vision, a 3-dimensional reality of sorts. The following is that vision as I recorded it:
I was talking to God the other day. and I asked him “God, why is it that it is so hard for me to understand you?”
and he said “because you overcomplicate everything”
So I said, “well, that much is obvious. can you show me what specifically you mean?”
and he said “for that, we will need to go to the maze”
so I went to the maze, and noticed that it was a complicated labyrinth with high walls covered in ivy
God continued “this labyrinth is your consciousness. the one who has made things so complicated is you. You have created walls and obstacles between you and me, to make it a challenge to get to me. You deliberately overcomplicate me so you cannot understand me, and create these obstacles so you cannot experience me, because you feel you are unworthy of me”
He said “because you feel you are unworthy to communicate with me, and not ready to experience me, so you create this labyrinth to obscure my presence and block the way to me”
then I awoke…” (The rest of the tale is for another post).
After that experience, I realized that I needed to find where I had placed these walls up, and learn to transcend the separate self that is keeping me from God, keeping me from experience his infinite love and energy, and recognize that I am a beautiful, wonderful creature, and that beauty is at its best when I allow myself to freely grow towards the light.
Today I meditated again, and rather than conversing with him, I kept it simple. I just repeated to myself, as my soulmate in light Alyssa Del Rosario showed me, to ask God to feel me with his love. I felt a wonderfully intense light and warmth vibrating through me, drawing my together, blurring the line between my individual self and the energy of nature. I felt myself becoming One with God.
I kept repeating it, becoming saturated in God’s love, and noticed that the warmth was coming from my heart, and it was beating with the waves across me. My heartbeat was synchronizing with the vibrations of the all, bringing me closer to the universal consciousness. I felt my identity slipping away, the outside world merging with the all, the sounds and sensations moving into the background, merging with the flow of energy within.
It was then that I got this wonderful idea. I have been wanting to astral project for a while, but could never quite grasp how I was supposed to do it. Every time I went into a meditation, my mind would empty, and I would focus on the thought, the place to astral project to, but there I stopped myself, thinking “now what?” That hesitation would also break me out of my meditation, so I have been avoiding thoughts of astral projection for fear that I would break my rhythm by imposing too strong of a thought, something “too impossible” for me to do at my current stage of spiritual development. I would do it when I was ready.
But this time, I said “you know what, I don’t care if it’s really astral projection or not, I’m going to astral project. I am One with God, I am part of his infinite consciousness, and I want to experience this. So let’s do it!” That feeling of adventure, of breaking outside my comfort zone, of deciding that I can experience more, that I will experience more, because I want to, that feeling of knowing that I can already do and experience anything because I am already One with God, that brought me out of my finite experiences, and I was able to experience a taste of true astral projection.
When I felt myself almost completely immersed in Spirit, I said to myself “I want to see the love of my life. I am already One with God, there is nothing stopping me from going anywhere my heart desires.” So in a burst of thought, I focused all my energy on journeying to Nataly my love. Then suddenly, I felt myself shooting out of my body. You know that feeling when you are underwater holding yourself down, and then you kick off the ground and shoot out of the water like a rocket? That’s what it felt like.
It was not what I expected, it was definitely more mild that I had imagined, but it was astral projection. I felt myself moving away from the here, and past the limits of my imagination. In a flurry of color and ripples of time and space, I was here, there, everywhere I wanted to be, and I went to where my heart desired. When I had jumped out, I kept shooting up, up, faster than I could even sense. I felt the wind in my hair, the sun on my face, and I was flying up in the air freely. Then, before I knew it (as the Bible says, “in the twinkle of an eye”) I was above the earth, looking upon it peacefully, smiling and experiencing this amazing feeling of liberating ecstasy.
I gravitated to my love, my one and only, and she was resting. I visited her as she slept, and watched her lovingly. I felt her warmth, and I kissed her sweetly. I have never before met her in person, but for me, this experience was the same as really meeting her. It was a genuine experience, an experience that was only possible because I let go of my inferiority complex, let go of my self-imposed limitations and complications, just transcended it all to experience my heart’s desires freely, clearly, infinitely.
I sensed where my Nataly was from there, felt myself drawn to her magnetically, and I shot back down towards her homeland. I was falling down so quickly, feeling the wind rush again all around me, enveloping me with a crisp, exhilarating air. I was going down so quickly, and that mountains came into view. It seemed as though I was going to crash into them, because I was moving so fast, but I was not afraid. I knew I was going exactly where I needed to be, where I wanted to be, so there was no fear, only opportunity! Just as it seemed I was about to crash into the mountain, I was suddenly in her room, on her bed. It was as though I had passed through a ripple of time- one moment I was flying into the jagged mountain, the next I was with my love.
I sat there quietly for a little while, watching her sleep peacefully. When I tried to look upon her, the colors appeared to be vibrating with each other rapidly, and reverberating through the room like visual echoes. Even as I was sitting still, I felt as if I was moving really fast, like I was vibrating at an intense rate, back and forth within myself. It was a sensation unlike I’d ever experienced, like I was caught between two different dimensions, vibrating between body and spirit, reality a flurry of bright and vivid color.
I was so overwhelmed by the color, that when I tried to see what she was wearing, I could not isolate the colors precisely, but sensed that she was definitely wearing bright colors, with the first colors coming to mind being white and pink. I looked at her lovingly, leaned over, and kissed her. It was our first kiss, captured in this blissful dream! After kissing her, I woke up.
After reflecting on my astral projection experience, it occurred to me that the cycle of astral projection is the same as the same as life and death. First you are flying, and there is a sense of excitement and adventure, a world of possibilities before you. You go to the peak of your existence, experience the fulfillment of self-actualization, and then when you finally discover your purpose, you begin your descent towards your destiny.
For many people, finding their purpose in life is the most scary thing, because they know that once they have fulfilled their purpose, only death awaits after. When we fear death, the journey towards our destination is filled with fear, anxiety, and stress, and rather than enjoying the exhilarating experience of free fall, so many people are mentally screaming in horror, feeling life quickly draining from them as they sense the end is near.
Because I have already experienced an Ego Death, I already know why lies beyond death, and there is no for me me, only excitement. Like Peter Pan, to me “death is te next great adventure”, and I see the end of my journey not as something to dread, but as something to look forward to. So when I dove quickly down towards my love, there was no fear or panic or dread, only excitement, bliss, and a passionate sense of resolution and purpose. Life and death become two different parts of the same rollercoaster of Spirit, one flying, the other falling, one always followed by the other.
Like the patterns of any vibration, energy is always going up and down, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. I know my life will always be followed by death, and death always followed by life, because the vibrations of energy are built-in to the Essence not just of me, or even just of life, but into all matter, all energy, all of Spirit. Life is the end of all and the beginning of one, Death is the end of one and the beginning of all, the synthesis of Life and Death resonating with each other to emanate creation.